His Glory or Mine?

As I was reading this morning I felt like the Lord asked me a question. It was one of those questions that make you go "uh oh. this can't be good". I have learned over the course of my walk with the Lord that my heart really is desperately wicked. Even in my most righteous acts, there look like dirty rags to the Lord. Anyways, here is what I felt like He asked me:

Are you focused on being a righteous woman for your own image? For Tyson? For peoples opinions? Or are you doing it for MY glory?

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I realize that most times I'm striving to make myself look better and for people to like me more. Pretty pathetic right? And after this morning I realized I'm over living for just myself.

Lord, search my heart! I don't want to go through this life only seeking for my glory. I know its so much bigger than that. I don't want to greet you on Judgement day only to hear you say 'Depart from me I never knew you.'(matt 7:21-23) because outwardly I was doing all the right things but I hadn't been doing anything for You. Jesus I CAN"T do anything without You. Everything becomes vanity when I try to do it by myself, in my own strength. Turn my self-seeking into others-serving. Turn my self-glorifying acts into God-glorifying heart service. Nothing matters if I don't do it out of a heart to love and serve others for Your great name. Teach me to love like you love. Give me Your heart! I want to know you more Jesus.

We're getting married. I love him so much.

Ponderings on the Ups and Downs of Life

In my walk with the Lord, and just my life in general, there seems to be a reoccurring pattern of when I think I am finally walking on solid ground, I do something incredibly clumsy and get knocked down again. Maybe God uses it to remind me to be dependent on Him. Or humbling me and reminding me I'm only human. But however he uses my silly mistakes I know through all of it that He does work all things together for my good. Even in my sin. Its crazy to think that He can use even the bad and turn it into something beautiful even though I may not see it now. He knows that whatever choice I make, He's going to cause it to glorify Himself and purify and sanctify myself somehow. I have to choose to see this even though its painful now. And even in my sin, even when I feel like the woman caught in adultery (John 8), I feel Him whisper "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more." There is freedom in the blood. There is safety and healing in the arms of a God big enough to wipe me off the earth with a single blink of His eye, but gentle enough to wipe away every tear. I love You Lord. You are the good in me. You call me your beloved. Continue to use me even though I feel useless. You alone can satisfy.

Continual Repentance

O God of Grace,

Thou hast imputed my sin to my substitute,

to my soul,

clothing me with a bridegroom's robe,

decking me with jewels of holiness.

But still in my Christian walk I am still in rags;

my best prayers are stained with sin;

my penitential teas are so much impurity; my confessions of wrong are so many

aggravations of sin;

my receiving the Spirit is tinctured with

selfishness.

I need to repent of my repentance;

I need my tears to be washed;

I have no rob to bring to cover my sins,

no loom to weave my own righteousness;

I am always standing clothed in filthy garments,

and by grace am always recieving change of

raiment,

for thou does always justify the ungodly;

I am always going into the far country,

and always returning home as a prodigal,

always saying, Father, forgive me,

and thou art always bringing forth

the best robe.

Every morning let me wear it,

every evening return in it,

go out to the day's work in it,

be married in ti,

be wound in death in it,

stand before the great white throne in it,

enter heaven in it shinning as the sun.

Grant me never lose sight of

the exceeding sinfulness of sin,

the exceeding righteousness of salvation,

the exceeding grace of Christ,

the exceeding beauty of holiness,

the exceeding wonder of grace.

From Valley of Vision, Puritan Prayers and Devotions

Your Top Ten Excuses For Not Memorizing A Book Of The Bible

1. I don’t have a good memory.

- You have a better memory than you think you do. Think of all the numbers and names you know.

2. It will take up too much time; I am too busy.

- This is the most efficient use of your time. It will bless you in everything you do. Invest your life in the Word of God.

3. I am too lazy, and it’s hard work.

- The secret to memorization is repetition over time. Repeat, and repeat, and repeat over months. It is hard work, but it is worth doing.

4. I am not very interested; it seems boring.

- Could the word of God really be boring to you if you are justified by faith? You haven’t seen the glories of the word of God.

5. I have tried it before, and it never really worked.

- Try it again.

6. I don’t see the benefit of working that hard.

- I have given you numerous benefits.

7. I read the Bible everyday; why do I need to memorize it?

- Satan isn’t going to wait for you to get your Bible before he tempts you.

8. I don’t know what translation to use.

- Use any reputable translation. I use the NIV, but any reputable one would work.

9. I might become prideful.

- No, you will become prideful, so memorize verses on pride to humble you.

10. I don’t know how to do it.

- It is simply repetition over time.

The word of God is living and active. If I could have one sin out of my life, it would be pride. That self-focus and selfishness, I would love to have it out. Those who walk in pride, God is able to humble (Dan. 4). Is it a warning? Yes. Is it a promise? Yes. Store up the word of God in your hearts, and in the judgment day, you will not be disappointed.

Yesterday, I started my journey to memorize Philippians. I've never memorized a whole book of the Bible so I am very excited for the blessings that are going to pour out because of this. Yes God PROMISES blessings for those who memorize His word! For example - Joshua 1:8 "This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way PROSPEROUS and then you will have GOOD SUCCESS." and then again in 1 Timothy 3:16,17 "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be COMPETENT, EQUIPPED for EVERY good work." Gods word will NOT return void! So gear up! Put on the FULL armor of God. There is a battle raging all around us and we WILL fall if we are not prepared. Don't think that reading your bible or going to church once a week will save you. God gave us His only Son and His life for us. Do we not owe Him an hour of our time everyday to be with Him? STOP making excuses TODAY. Its either eternal LIFE or eternal DAMNATION. And its your choice. Gods got His arms open wide, but its going to take you running to them. He's not going to do everything for you, you're not a robot. Remember the sacrifice that was made for you and a little bit of your time will seem like nothing. In fact all your efforts will become as "filth" (Philippians 3:8) compared to gaining what we have in Christ. Memorizing scripture will not save you... even Satan could quote scripture. But it will help protect you when he comes around. So prepare for battle now!

You can do all things through Him who strengthens you!